Supporting Your Child’s Friendship Journey in Middle School
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Supporting Your Child’s Friendship Journey in Middle School
As your child transitions into the tween years, navigating friendships can become increasingly complex. With social dynamics shifting and emotional development in full swing, tweens often face new challenges in their relationships. Here are some practical strategies for parents, caregivers, and teachers to help tweens build and maintain healthy relationships.
Friendship Skills
What makes a great friend? Encourage children to reflect on the traits they value in their friendships. Ask questions like:
What qualities do you appreciate in your friends?
How do you show you’re a good friend?
Tips:
Model positive friendships. Share stories about your own friendships and how you maintain them, even through challenges.
Recognize that social dynamics may look different for neurodiverse children. They may prefer structured activities, smaller groups, or direct communication. Encourage children to find friends who accept their unique way of interacting.
Talk to children about how different cultures might express friendship differently. Some cultures value verbal expressions of friendship, while others might show it through actions or gestures. Ask children how they and their friends show they care about each other.
Be mindful that a child may have experienced changes in friendships due to trauma or loss. Encourage conversations about how to maintain healthy relationships while respecting their emotional boundaries.
When Jokes Go Too Far
Understanding Humor: Talk to children about the difference between playful teasing and hurtful comments.
Ask: “Has there ever been a time when a joke didn’t feel funny to you? How did you handle it?”
Tips:
Help children set boundaries. Let them know it’s okay to say, “That’s not funny to me,” and talk about respectful ways to handle hurtful jokes.
Some neurodiverse children may not pick up on neurotypical social cues or sarcasm. Teach them to ask clarifying questions like, “Did you mean that as a joke?” and provide them with scripts to respond when they feel uncomfortable.
Help children understand that humor is influenced by culture. What is funny in one culture may be inappropriate in another. Encourage them to be aware of cultural differences when joking with friends from diverse backgrounds.
Humor can be a defense mechanism for some children who have experienced trauma. Talk to children about using humor in a way that builds connections rather than creating distance. Also, teach them to respect others' emotional boundaries when joking.
Self Advocacy
Help Children Practice: Role-play situations where children may need to advocate for themselves, like asking for help from a teacher or setting boundaries with friends.
Tip for Parent:
Remind children that they can speak up respectfully without being aggressive or passive. Help them practice using “I” statements, such as “I feel uncomfortable when…”
Neurodiverse children may struggle with self-advocacy in fast-paced or overwhelming situations. Teach them simple, structured ways to advocate for themselves, such as using visual aids or rehearsing key phrases like, “I need a break” or “I don’t like that.”
Self-advocacy may look different across cultures. Some cultures emphasize collectivism and respect for authority, while others encourage assertiveness. Help children navigate these dynamics while respecting their cultural background.
Children who have experienced trauma may find it challenging to speak up in uncomfortable situations. Reinforce the idea that their voice matters and encourage them to express their needs in a way that feels safe. Reassure them that they are allowed to set boundaries with others.
Building Empathy
Understanding Others: Encourage children to think about how their actions and words affect others.
Questions to Ask:
How do you think your friends feel when they’re left out of a game or conversation?
How can you be more supportive when a friend is going through something difficult?
Tips:
Model empathetic behavior by showing compassion toward others in everyday situations. Acknowledge children’s emotions and validate their feelings.
Some children may need extra help recognizing the emotions of others. Practice identifying emotions through body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Role-play scenarios to help them develop empathy at their own pace.
Help children understand that people from different backgrounds may express emotions in different ways. Teach them to respect and be open to diverse ways of communicating emotions.
Some children who have experienced trauma may find it difficult to express or identify emotions. Encourage your child to practice empathy while understanding that their friends may need time to open up or may express emotions in different ways. Promote a safe and supportive environment for all.
Family Connection Challenge
Encourage children to share what they learned today! Ask them to pick one skill—whether it’s being a better friend, speaking up for themselves, or showing empathy—and use it with family or friends.
Questions to Ask:
What did you learn about being a great friend?
Can you share an example of how you’ve spoken up for yourself recently?
Tips:
Praise children when they demonstrate empathy, friendship skills, or self-advocacy. Positive reinforcement encourages these behaviors to grow!
Provide children with multiple ways to communicate, whether that’s through words, writing, or using visual aids. Celebrate their progress in a way that resonates with them, whether through verbal praise or a more sensory reward (e.g., a calming activity they enjoy).
Ask children how their cultural background influences how they build and maintain friendships. Use this as an opportunity to explore cultural strengths in their relationships.
Some children may struggle to apply new skills right away, especially if they’ve experienced trauma. Allow them time and space to practice these skills and offer gentle encouragement. Emphasize safety and emotional regulation as foundational to developing friendships and self-advocacy.
