Redefining New Year’s Resolutions
Redefining New Year’s Resolutions
Let me confess: Every single year, I start with the same three resolutions. Drink more water (because apparently coffee doesn’t count), reduce screen time (ironic, I know), and keep my schedule more organized (spoiler: it’s chaos by mid-February). And every year, without fail, I end up right back where I started— checking my email first thing when I wake up, and wondering if I can squeeze 36 hours into a day.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Most resolutions fail because they’re rooted in guilt and societal pressure, not in what really matters to us. That’s why my goal is to stop chasing resolutions that make me feel like a hamster on a capitalist wheel and focus on my values. Let’s talk about why that’s a game-changer.
The Problem with Resolutions: It’s Not You, It’s Capitalism
Every January, we’re sold the idea that we need to be better, faster, thinner, richer. It’s exhausting. These resolutions often come from what I call "negative domestication"—the ways we’ve been trained to see ourselves as never enough. But what if we stopped trying to fix ourselves and started asking, “What truly matters to me?”
For me, that’s relationships, health, and community service. These values guide everything I do, from how I show up for my kids to the goals I set for myself. Instead of striving for perfection, I strive for alignment—and let me tell you, it’s a lot more fulfilling (and way less stressful).
Oh, and full disclosure: I have ADHD, which adds its own layer of complexity. Sometimes it means I hyperfocus and get an entire month’s worth of goals done in a week. Other times, I’m distracted by a bird outside my window and forget what I was saying mid-sentence (wait, what were we talking about?). Living with ADHD means I have to approach goal-setting with creativity, flexibility, and a whole lot of humor—something that’s true for our entire neurodivergent household. We each live our values in ways that honor our unique brains and needs.
Values vs. Goals: What’s the Difference?
Here’s the tea: Values are who you are, while goals are what you do. Values are like a compass, giving your life direction. Goals are the steps you take to get there.
For example:
If your value is connection, a goal might be to have weekly dinner dates with your partner or call a friend every Sunday.
If your value is health, a goal might be to take a daily walk or try a new vegetable (even if it looks suspicious).
The problem is, most people don’t know their values. Without that clarity, we end up chasing goals that don’t actually matter to us. No wonder we feel unfulfilled!
How to Identify Your Values (Without Overthinking It)
Discovering your values doesn’t have to feel like a therapy session (though I’m a psychologist, so I’m all for those). Here’s a quick and dirty guide:
Reflect on the Past Year: What moments made you feel alive? What drained you? When did you feel proud? When did you feel out of alignment?
Brainstorm Themes: Write down words that resonate with you: kindness, creativity, adventure, family, authenticity, peace. Which ones make you smile? Which ones feel like societal baggage?
Prioritize: Choose 3–5 core values. These should feel like a warm hug from your truest self.
Test Them: Imagine living these values every day for a year. What excites you? What scares you? (If it’s both, you’re on the right track.)
For me, relationships, health, and community service rose to the top. These values shape everything I do, from how I parent to how I spend my weekends. And yes, they even influence how I drink water (hydrated mom = happy mom).
Living these values in a neurodivergent household means getting creative. For example, to prioritize relationships, we have family game nights where the rules are “flexible” (okay, chaotic). For health, we take walks that might include stopping to climb every rock and look at every bug. And for community service, we brainstorm ways to give back that fit each family member’s strengths—like baking cookies for neighbors or creating handmade cards for local shelters.
Radical Honesty and Compassion: The Secret Sauce
Before you set any goals, take a moment to reflect on the past year with curiosity and compassion. Radical honesty isn’t about beating yourself up; it’s about naming what’s true without shame. Compassion is holding that truth with kindness.
For example, I’ve noticed that I tend to over-schedule myself (shocking, I know). Instead of spiraling into guilt, I remind myself: “You were doing the best you could. Now, let’s try something different.”
Turning Values into Goals
Once you’ve nailed down your values, set goals that reflect them. Here’s what research says about effective goals:
Be Specific: Instead of "exercise more," try "walk 30 minutes every weekday."
Make It Measurable: Track your progress, whether it’s through journaling or an app.
Focus on Intrinsic Motivation: Choose goals that excite you, not ones you feel you "should" do.
Stay Flexible: Life happens. Goals can evolve.
For example, my value of community service led me to volunteer in our local middle school by offering workshops to middle schoolers on how to have healthy friendships. It wasn’t huge, but it felt aligned with who I am and what I care about.
A Practical Example
Meet Sarah. Sarah’s value is connection. Instead of a vague goal like "be more social," she sets specific, achievable goals: host a monthly game night, schedule weekly coffee dates, and volunteer at a local shelter. These goals are sustainable because they’re rooted in her values, not external pressure.
Parenting with Values
This approach isn’t just for adults; it’s a gift for your kids too. Teaching children to identify their values helps them set meaningful goals. For example:
If your family values kindness, you might encourage your child to set a goal of helping a classmate once a week.
If you value adventure, your family could plan monthly hikes or try new activities together.
In my house, we talk about values at dinner. My kids know that our family values relationships, so we make time for board games and bedtime stories. They know we value health, so we cook meals together and go on nature walks. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being intentional.
This year is particularly special for us as my family grows into a beautiful blended family. With four children navigating this time of transition, my number one goal is to ensure they feel supported, connected, and loved. Our values guide us through this process, helping us build a home where everyone’s unique needs and strengths are honored.
The Gift of Reflection
Before diving into resolutions, take time to reflect on the past year. What did you learn? Where did you grow? What’s still a work in progress? Hold these questions with curiosity and compassion.
This year, let’s make our resolutions less about "fixing" ourselves and more about honoring who we already are. When your goals align with your values, every step feels meaningful—and maybe even fun.
Here’s to a year of hydrated, value-driven living (with maybe just a little less screen time).
With love & gratitude,
Founder & Director
