Parenting is not hard because children are hard to raise. Read that again! Your challenges as a parent is NOT due to your child’s behavior. And sadly, this truth goes against our current culture that promotes parents complaining and talking poorly about their children on social media or in person, or even right in front of them in ways that are shaming and self-esteem damaging.
Our parenting stressors are often internal (our own mental health challenges, unresolved trauma and attachment issues, mindset, lack of knowledge, unrealistic expectations of ourselves and of our children, addiction to shopping or screens or food or substances) or external (marital issues, lack of support, working too much, financial stressors, a global pandemic, too many demands and a busy schedule).
We must stop blaming our children for feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and resentful. They did not choose to be born and they would be doing better on whatever the problem is if they could. We must make the choice to make changes that are within our control for our family and ourselves that go against what our modern culture and capitalism promotes.
Focus on making small changes that are within your control. Let go of the guilt. Start seeing a therapist to heal your nervous system and childhood trauma. Work with a relationship therapist to improve your marriage. Ask for help. Meditate, rest, and laugh. Say “no” more often. Modify your lifestyle. One small change per week. It will add up.